


Convulsing

by Talassan



Category: Kabby fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/M, Fear, Fluff, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26862274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talassan/pseuds/Talassan
Summary: Post 4x13 OS, what are the first weeks after they close the bunker like for Kabby?I actually wrote it before watching any of S5
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Convulsing

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Kabby and my first time ever writing in English ! I got help making it look and sound like English though so it should be readable now!! Thank you so much Mel, for the corrections (actually almost re writing the whole thing), for the help to get it up here, and for everything else !!

The wake up hadn’t been easy. From the moment they realized that the choice had been made without their consent, made for them, hell returned to the skaikru quarters.

They knew they couldn’t control them all, or incarcerate them, and they definitely didn’t want the grounders to end up in the middle of it for fear of a conflict that, being in the bunker, would kill them all. So they decided to let the people express their anger, get it all out of their systems so they would be able to start afresh.

In the meantime, they had no choice but to protect those who were “held responsible” by the crowd: Abby, Jaha, Octavia and Kane. Since Kane was the one making decisions, he declared the best way for him to be safe was to make himself part of the guard, because anyhow there were four of them to protect and he only felt like trusting Nate from those few who hadn’t revolted. Once his initial rage at not finding his father alive had passed, he calmed down quickly on hearing Kane tell him that David had written Nate’s name, and in any case, he had proven himself trustworthy to Kane more than once.

Happily, they didn’t need to protect Octavia; Indra and the grounders had her more than covered. Kane and Nate worked hard to convince two more former members of the guard into allying to their side, because the two of them couldn’t manage to stay alert 24/7, so they needed at least two shifts. They were successful; the two were lost in the sea of general anger but deep down they stayed loyal to the former Chancellor, Abby of course, and agreed without much fight to join them even if it meant protecting Jaha.

That’s how it had been for the last 10 days now: absolute chaos in the skaikru quarters and permanent protection on Abby’s and Jaha’s rooms. All the fury would come to an end sooner or later. Once they were no longer brimming with emotions, they would gradually calm down and then they would be able to start re-constructing a civilization, all clans together, as Wonkru.

For now, Kane was posted in front of Jaha’s door, as he had firmly decided not to ever stand guard for Abby. He was too concerned about her to keep himself from checking inside every five minutes and that would definitely distract him from his watch; he would unwittingly disregard small details in the hallway that could be catastrophic for them.

He was so tired from the lack of sleep and the endless guard shifts, but he kept fighting the fatigue with all the will he had left.

_Only two more hours,_ he repeated in his head. There were just two more hours left before he could go back to Abby’s side. She had finally forgiven him for saving her when she had clearly asked him not to, and that was the best thing that had happened since the bunker was locked.

He was just so relieved to finally be useful to her when she woke up in the middle of the night crying her heart out and gasping to get air into her lungs. That nightmare would kill her way before the injury in her brain would. It was always that same dream, her vision: Clarke being burned by the radiation of Praimfaya. Constantly seeing it and not being able to help her own daughter was tearing Abby’s heart apart, especially since they didn’t know how the trip to the ring of the Ark had gone.

It broke his heart to see her that way, his strong, perseverant, hopeful, beautiful Abby possessed by sobs, unable to regain control of herself. But at least now he could hold her in his arms, caress her soft hair while he rocked her in his tight embrace. Now he could whisper in her ear that everything was going to be alright, that he was sure Clarke was fine, that she had raised a fighter that would never give up and so she needed to stay positive and believe that her daughter managed to keep herself and the others safe

Now he could finally try to comfort her instead of being pushed away and watch her suffer, not allowed to even approach her.

He knew Abby was trying to lift her hopes up, to believe in her baby’s capacity as she did on the Ark when everyone maintained that the kids were dying. But she wasn’t that hopeful woman anymore, not after all she had been through since they landed on Earth, not after almost losing her daughter so many times she couldn’t even count them anymore, not after what ALIE made her do to her little girl, to him, to herself and to all of them. She managed to stay above the surface during the day but when she was asleep her deepest fears allied with the vision she kept dreaming of to break though the little hope she had barely managed to build during the day.

_Abby._ He was thinking too much about her and he shouldn’t be, he was there to keep Jaha safe and he was getting too distracted to be efficient. But he couldn’t help it, he had this weird feeling in his chest as if something was wrong, he felt she needed him but he couldn’t leave Jaha’s door, he could’t put him in danger for nothing. She was in good hands, Nate was at her doorstep, nothing bad could happen to her. The boy would keep her safe no matter what, he trusted him. Still, he needed to use all of his willpower not to run to her, to keep himself as focused as possible on the surroundings of Jaha’s room. He had to finish his duty and then he could go to her, hold her tight to chase away his own fears this time.

_She’s fine,_ he repeated to himself, at least as fine as this whole situation allowed her to be and he just needed to wait 30 more minutes to replace the weird weight on his chest for the weight of her body against him and everything would be alright.

He ran to her as soon as the guard for the night shift arrived, he couldn’t help it, he desperately needed to see and feel her so he could convince himself she was ok and finally relax.

He stopped at her door to compose himself, he didn’t want to startle her and make her think something was wrong by erupting into their room as if the devil himself was chasing him. Once his breath was even again, he opened the door and instantly that weight on his chest became heavier. She was lying on her side, shaking so much he knew she was convulsing. They needed the situation with their people to calm down as soon as possible so they could safely apply Raven’s therapy on Abby before it was too late.

He ran to her side, taking the anticonvulsant on his way there, ready to inject her with it right away but when he got close enough to see her face, he was petrified. She wasn’t convulsing, her eyes weren’t blank, they were tightly shut, and there was no sign of white foam at her mouth. For a moment he just looked at her, not knowing what to do, lost in the intensity of what he was witnessing. He couldn’t imagine what was making her shake like this. She had been through so much but she had always managed to keep panic attacks at bay, as far as he knew at least.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, gathering strength to face it, whatever it may be. He approached her gently, aware that she hadn’t heard him and not wanting to make it worse. He softly caressed her face, whispering her name. When she didn’t react, he sat down on the bed next to her and lifted her upper body onto his.

“I’m here, Abby,” he said, more loudly than before. “Everything will be alright. I’m here now. Look at me.” His voice was soft, trying to pass to her the calm he himself didn’t feel.

She opened her eyes to him, shock and panic all over them. “Marcus,” she said, and it sounded like a plea. She held onto his shoulders and buried her face in his neck and then she was sobbing, finally able to let go because he was finally there with her so she didn’t need to hold it back, she didn’t fear falling apart now that he could pick up the pieces and put them back together, he would make it all better.

She cried for a while, never letting go of him. He kept her tight against his chest, lovingly caressing her hair and back but not trying to calm her down. He knew she needed to get it out and then they would sort it all out, together.

When she finally regained a little control of herself, she gently stroked his face, not ready yet to leave the security of his neck. “Marcus.” Her voice was hoarse from all the crying. “I’m sorry, Marcus.”

“What are you sorry for, baby?” he asked, holding her face with both hands and pulling up so he could look her in the eyes.

She just shook her head and new tears started flowing down her cheeks.

“Shhh, it’s ok! It’s ok!” he said, drying her tears with his thumbs and holding her back to his chest. Whatever had happened, she wasn’t ready to put it in words, not yet.

They stayed there, intertwined, for a while. He was so worried he couldn’t manage any more than brushing her soft hair with his fingers, smelling the scent of it, of her.

Abby knew she needed to talk to him. He had been there holding her for more than half an hour now, not asking any more questions, just giving her what she needed: his warm embrace, his protecting and soothing presence. So, she breathed in deeply, taking all the strength she could from him, and gently pulled back, looking into his dark concerned eyes. She felt weak again but she needed to talk to him. As lost as she felt, that loving man giving it all for her deserved to know.

“I…“ she started, with a small, insecure voice that broke down right away. “You…“ she tried again, shaking her head.

She slowly extracted herself from his arms, regretting it instantly, feeling so vulnerable without his contact but still she walked to the table and came back with a small tube in which some sort of chemical reaction seemed to have happened. She handed it to him, and he looked at her, incomprehension all over his face.

“What is this, Abby?” He didn’t seem understand what the little tube was supposed to tell him, how it was supposed to explain her nervous breakdown.

“I thought… and I… It is… oh Marcus!” She threw herself into him trying not to cry again. “I’m pregnant,” she managed to whisper rapidly in his ear.

“You’re what?” he asked, pulling her in front of him.

“I don’t know how it happened,” she added, looking down. “I have being… I was taking care of it but… I’m sorry, Marcus!” she kept going, finally giving up on finding her words and hiding her face between her hands, tears rolling down her cheeks again.

“Hey.” he said, taking her hands in one of his and drying her cheeks with the other. Her eyes were closed. “Don’t be sorry,” he added softly, looking at her as if she was the most wonderful thing in the whole world.

She slowly opened her eyes, feeling confused.

“Don’t be sorry,” he repeated, gazing deeply into her eyes.

He wasn’t mad, she realized. He wasn’t being calm and tender just for her sake. Her breaking down earlier wasn’t the reason why neither disappointment or rejection were displayed on his face.

“You’re ok with it!?” she said more than she asked, almost singing, surprise and relief evident in her voice.

“I am not ok with it, Abby,” he answered, empathizing the OK. “I’m ecstatic about it,” he continued, feeling blissed, tears filling up his eyes, while he lifted her up in his arms and spun her around, happier than he had ever been before in his life at the idea of having a baby with the woman he had always been secretly in love with.

“You should stop that,” she said not long after, giggling a little but becoming rapidly pale.

“Sorry,” he said, sitting back on the bed with her in his lap and starting to rock her softly, caressing her head and hair. “You know,” he started after a while, once she’d got a little color back. She raised her eyes to meet his nostalgic look. “Some thirty years ago,” he continued, bringing his attention back to her eyes from the faraway place where he was lost seconds ago, “I used to dream of this. I used to dream and even daydream that we would grow old together, get married and have a little one, part you, part me.”

She looked deeply into his eyes, she didn’t know any of this, he hadn’t told her back then.

“It took me so long to find the strength to tell you how I felt… too long,” he insisted, feeling as defeated as he felt then, right in that moment, years ago.

She cupped his face, softly running her thumb over his cheeks, seemingly feeling retrospectively bad for him.

“I went to your quarters to ask you if you would come on a walk with me. I intended to ask you out in the observatory, looking at Earth.” He will tell her his story, his story with her that she wasn’t aware ever existed, even though she looked deeply pained that she had made him suffer then, she needed to know. The emotions were still so vivid, the hurt so fresh and raw, even so much time later, it felt surreal.

“Jake was kissing you goodbye when I turned the corner.”

“Oh Marcus!” she exclaimed, taking one of his hands in hers and kissing it. “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be!” he answered. “You didn’t know.” He caressed her face lovingly and kissed her lips softly as if too much pressure could break them. “I still had hope even after you two got married, but then Clarke arrived and I was so delighted to see you happy, looking at you with your baby filled my heart with so much love…”

Tears were now flowing down Abby’s cheeks, so he tenderly dried them. “I love you Abby,” he stated and it sounded like a prayer, even to his own ears. “I always have, and I always will.” He dropped a soft kiss onto her nose, making her smile shyly. “Having a baby with you is my most precious dream ever just coming true. It may not be the best of moments but I don’t think that such a thing as the perfect moment even exists. We will stay here for the next five years, Abby, if we manage to keep peace, this is probably the safest place we can find to raise a child.”

“Our child,” she corrected him, intertwining their hands and placing them on top of her still flat belly. She lifted her teary eyes from their hands to look at his just as teary ones and kissed him deeply, placing a promise and all her love for him in that kiss.

She had thought he wouldn’t want a baby now, the moment felt so wrong, but he did, and knowing he was beyond happy about it lifted a heavy weight. She wanted to keep that late and unexpected baby, she already loved him from the moment she knew, the panic she felt was filled with love and fear of letting reason win and letting go of that precious being growing inside her, even if that would mean making her worst ever nightmare come true. She felt so happy to have Marcus in her life and now also their baby, that she just started laughing with pure joy, breaking their kiss.

“I love seeing you happy, Abby… more than anything! And I promise you I will do everything in my power to always keep it that way. You, me and our baby, always together and happy through the difficulties,” he stated. “And in some years even happier when we get to introduce Clarke to her little sibling,” he added, probably sensing that a knot had started forming in her stomach at the impossibility of being completely happy without her older child.

“We will,” she declared, kissing his lips and smiling. “We will be happy and get Clarke back.”


End file.
